[fancy_box] Disclosure: The words in this series are candid, raw and very personal. I don’t share so you’ll feel sorry for me, but to let you know that you’re not alone on this journey of motherhood! (One thing I’ve learned through this thing called life is that my story is valuable and through my sharing the Lord may be able to help someone else.)[/fancy_box]
There was no doubt about it – Trent was absolutely enamored with Dalton the minute he entered our lives. He is such a wonderful dad and when he’s around Dalton he morphs into this person that I’ve never seen before….it is so precious to watch him interact with Dalton.
I was so thankful that Dalton had stolen his heart. He’d stolen my heart too, but in a much different way. Instead of oohing and aahing over him, I showed my love by taking care of him the best way I knew how (feeding him, changing his diapers, rocking him to sleep – repeat, repeat, repeat). After all, I was still in survival mode and trying to figure out our new normal.
I’ll admit it – I wished that I was that mom that fell all over her baby every time she was with him. The one that is ever so patient and never gets frazzled when he is crying for no reason. Please tell me you know that mom I’m talking about!
I wanted so desperately to have a connection with my precious little boy other than feeling like his milk maid. When someone asked me if I loved being a mom, instead of giving them a glazed over look, I wanted to answer them with a resounding, “Yes, it’s the best job I’ve ever had! I love everything about it!”
Much like I did while I was walking through my surprise pregnancy, I reminded myself not to put too much pressure on myself. Whatever I was feeling was ok. This motherhood gig was just going to take time getting used to.
I reminded myself of the ladies I had talked to that said they were head over heels in love with their children but they didn’t particularly care for the baby phase. Once I stopped wishing the time away, my mindset totally changed. It might take a little bit of time but I knew that everything was going to be ok.
Giving It Time
Every so often Trent would ask me if I still felt like I was raising someone else’s child. I think it was his way of asking how I was doing (and I love him for that)!
By the time Dalton was 3 1/2 months I was thankful that I no longer felt that way. I was still in shock and couldn’t believe that I was really a mother but I no longer felt like the Milk Maid (even though I still was).
Dalton was no longer a lethargic baby that just laid around. His smiles were something other than gas (ha!) and his little personality started shining through. Could it be – he was really smiling at me? Now that’s something that I could get used to – a smiling baby!
Counting Our Blessings
The Lord truly blessed us with a good little boy. Yes, he’d occasionally have his crying moments, but what kid doesn’t? He may not have napped well during the day (he only wanted to sleep for 45 minutes at a time) but he would sleep 10 hours at night and that did this momma’s heart good. All the hard work of keeping him on his feeding routine was paying off!
Our chill baby was exactly what Trent and I needed because we’re chill kinda people too. (I’m secretly hoping that he continues to be a cuddler because I am one too!)
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