my surprise pregnancy journey

My Surprise Pregnancy Journey, Part 7

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Follow along as I share the story of my surprise pregnancy journey. This series is candid, raw and very personal.

Disclosure: The words in this series are candid, raw and very personal. I don’t share so you’ll feel sorry for me, but to help someone else that finds themselves on a surprise pregnancy journey and to let them know they’re not alone! (One thing I’ve learned through this thing called life is that my story is valuable and through my sharing the Lord may be able to help someone else.)

Check out My Surprise Pregnancy Journey if you missed the first part of this series!

At 20 weeks, we headed to the doctor for an ultrasound that would reveal the gender of our gift. As amazed as I was by seeing the hands, fingers, nose, etc, I was still having a hard time wrapping my mind around the thought that we were going to be parents! How could this be? (Yes, I know how it could be, but how could it be?)

Even though I didn’t have a gender preference, of course Trent was hoping for a boy (what father wouldn’t hope for a son?). To be completely honest, at the beginning of my pregnancy I didn’t think it mattered what gender I wanted because I didn’t think God would give it to me even if I asked. After all, I hadn’t had a desire to have kids and here I was pregnant. Thankfully my mindset had shifted from the beginning of the pregnancy and I no longer felt the same way. I was confident that God would give us the gender that we needed and that He wanted us to have. (After all, this was all His idea anyway!) The only thing that mattered to me was that our gift would be healthy and that the delivery would go smoothly!

What’s That Strange Fluttering

By now I could feel our gift moving. I wish I could say I enjoyed the feeling, but it was the most foreign feeling in the world. (Yes, I understand that it is a miracle to have a little one and that many women love feeling their baby move inside their tummies.) But all I can say is, it’s one thing to know a child is growing inside your body, but another thing to feel it move.

I knew if I was going to survive the next step in this part of my journey that I was going to have to, once again, change my mindset. It would be a long, hard road if I cringed every time I felt our gift move. Like I had done so many times before, I asked the Lord to change my heart and mind. It took some time, but He did and I stopped cringing. My new mindset was that movement was better than no movement and it showed that our gift was healthy.

Encouraging Words

All throughout this journey the Lord placed people in my path to encourage me, and many times they likely had no idea that their words lifted my spirits.

I had lots of people tell me that I would fall in love with our gift when I saw him, that we would instantly bond. I knew it was possible and that it might be the case, but in the back of my mind I was being realistic that the special bond might take time.

I’ll never forget when a dear friend shared that her daughter didn’t have an instant bond with her child right after she had delivered. My friend encouraged me not to put pressure on myself, that the bond would come in time. Oh how this gave me hope because I’ve seen her daughter with her now grown girls and there’s no doubt the love they have for each other!

I was also encouraged by this excerpt from the book What To Expect When You’re Expecting:

“Love at first sight is a concept that flourishes in romantic books and movies but rarely materializes in real life. The kind of love that lasts a lifetimes usually requires time, nurturing, and plenty of patience to develop and deepen. And that’s as true for the love between a newborn and its parents as it is between a man and a woman.

Physical closeness between mother and child immediately after birth does not guarantee instant emotional closeness. Those first few postpartum seconds aren’t automatically bathed in the glow of maternal love. In fact, the first sensation a woman experiences after birth is far more likely to be relief than love – relief that the baby is normal and, especially if her labor was difficult, that the ordeal is over. It’s not at all unusual to see that squalling and unsociable infant as a stranger – with very little connection to the cozy, idealized little fetus you carried for nine months – and to feel little more than neutral toward him or her. One study found that it took an average of over two weeks (and often as long as nine weeks) for mothers to begin having positive feelings toward their newborns.

Just how a woman reacts to her newborn at their first meeting may depend on a variety of factors…Your reaction is normal for you! Some of the best relationships get off to the slowest starts. Give yourself and your baby a chance to get to know and appreciate each other, and let the love grow naturally and unhurriedly.”

Your reaction is normal for you! I’m learning along this journey that pregnancy and all that it entails is different for everyone. What I’m experiencing may not be normal to others, but it’s normal to me and that’s okay!


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  1. Stephanie

    It is funny how I have just found this article on Pinterest. I too have had surprise pregnancies. Four of them! Yes none were planned. My second baby was hard to bond with and I am still working on it. My father passed away soon after her birth so I didn’t have much time to take care of her. But now I find myself with a fourth baby coming and it has been hard to get my mind around to acceptance of this blessing. But hope that God knows what he is doing is all that matters!

    • Tshanina Peterson
      Tshanina Peterson08-26-2014

      Stephanie, I’m so sorry to hear about the loss of your father. My dad passed away a few years ago so I know how difficult that is!

      I pray that the Lord will draw you and your little ones together, and give you peace for the fourth one that will soon be here.

      Thanks for stopping by and sharing!

  2. Sarah Mueller
    Sarah Mueller08-26-2014

    It is quite a shock to have your body taken over by a new person, isn’t it? Miraculous yes, but hard to understand. I remember with my first child being amazed that my body changed the way it did.

    I hope you’re feeling well :)

    • Tshanina Peterson
      Tshanina Peterson08-26-2014

      “Taken over” is a great way to put it, Sarah! Yes, it is a shock! :O)

  3. Emily

    I didn’t have that earth-moving-heart-racing-instant bond with my first child. I thought for sure there was something wrong with me that I didn’t have that kind of experience. It took several a weeks, even into months, before we formed a tight and deep bond. I did a lot of going through the motions and just tying to keep my head above water those early weeks. You will bond with your child. It might be the moment you lock eyes, it might be after months of getting to know each other; regardless your child will feel loved, cared for, and will never know the difference. My oldest has no idea we didn’t bond right away; we are “best buds” now, as he would say.

    • Tshanina Peterson
      Tshanina Peterson09-10-2014

      Thanks so much for the encouragement, Emily!

      So glad to hear that you and your little guy are best buds now!

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