[fancy_box] Disclosure: The words in this series are candid, raw and very personal. I don’t share so you’ll feel sorry for me, but to help someone else that finds themselves on a surprise pregnancy journey and to let them know they’re not alone! (One thing I’ve learned through this thing called life is that my story is valuable and through my sharing the Lord may be able to help someone else.)[/fancy_box]
Check out My Surprise Pregnancy Journey if you missed the first part of this series!
Announcement day arrived and I was, well, anxious. Now everyone would know, which meant that I’d have to start talking about our gift.
I shared our news on social media and, as you can imagine, the post blew up. As I read through each and every comment I was blown away by the love and support that was showered on us. But the guilt began to creep in. Everyone was excited except for me.
Change, Change and More Change
My hormones were raging and my body had begun to morph. I didn’t have as much energy as I once did, I couldn’t do all of the things that I wanted to, and there were projects that I had to ask for help with. This was all so new to me, and it was hard because I consider myself to be an independent person.
Even though I didn’t suffer with the deep depression that I faced when I first learned the news of our gift, I was still battling with it. There were days when I felt like a dark cloud was looming over me. It was not a good feeling at all!
And while I hate to admit it, there were many days when I told the Lord (and even Trent) that I didn’t want to do this. I didn’t want to be pregnant or feel the way I was feeling. Please know that I never thought about harming myself or our gift. (If you have found yourself in a surprise pregnancy and are contemplating hurting yourself or your child, please seek immediate help!) These pity-parties were just my way of coping and getting through. I’d shed a bucket load of tears and cry out to the Lord…I Peter 5:7 says, “Cast all your anxiety upon Him for He cares for you.” That’s definitely what I did, and it was so refreshing to give my anxiety to Him. I couldn’t carry the weight, but I had no doubt that He could!
Oh My Precious Husband
My husband was such a huge support for me, and I was so thankful for him. If he found me sobbing my head off, he’d simply wrap his arms around me and pull me to him. When he knew I wasn’t feeling well, he’d ask if there was anything he could do to help. If I needed to talk, he’d be there to listen and offer words of encouragement if I needed them. What a wonderful helpmeet the Lord had given me. We were in this thing together and I definitely couldn’t have made it through without him.
In my many cry sessions, the Lord revealed something to me. This gift was for Trent.
Before we got engaged, we discussed the fact that I had no desire to have babies. Obviously Trent was okay with this or we would have never married. But maybe the Lord knew he had a deep desire to have his own child. Maybe He knew that Trent needed this child. It was all too much for me to wrap my head around, I just knew that this gift was for Trent. (And obviously me too, even though I still couldn’t fathom how.)